[NC New Books] ‘Run Like Hell’ Explains Why Trauma Bonds Are So Hard to Break

The Korean edition of Nadine Macaluso’s “Run Like Hell.” Photo courtesy of Saenggakjido

[News Culture] Psychological control and abuse within an intimate relationship can be difficult for outsiders to understand. Victims are often met with a familiar question: “Why didn’t you leave sooner?” In “Run Like Hell: A Therapist’s Guide to Recognizing, Escaping, and Healing from Trauma Bonds,” Nadine Macaluso moves beyond that judgment to examine how destructive relationships overwhelm the brain and body, leaving even capable women feeling unable to escape.

At the center of the book is the trauma bond, an intense attachment formed through repeated cycles of affection and abuse. When tenderness arrives unpredictably between episodes of cruelty, the abuser becomes both the source of fear and the person who appears to offer relief. The contradiction erodes the victim’s ability to trust her own judgment, while the relationship’s instability deepens her emotional dependence.

Macaluso describes narcissists, psychopaths and similarly abusive partners as “pathological lovers.” Their behavior is driven by a need for power and control, often alongside deeply rooted psychological dysfunction. The author also looks beyond individual pathology, arguing that patriarchal ideas about women as possessions and cultural messages that romanticize jealousy or domination help abusive behavior flourish under the guise of love.

The book directly challenges a long-standing assumption that women who remain in abusive relationships must be insecure or dependent. Research examined by Macaluso points instead to conscientiousness and agreeableness as common traits among victims. Qualities such as empathy, loyalty and a strong sense of responsibility can be exploited by a pathological partner, turning a woman’s emotional strengths into reasons to keep trying to repair a relationship that was designed to harm her.

Abuse, Macaluso stresses, belongs entirely to the abuser. Recovery begins when survivors stop blaming themselves and give a clear name to what happened. By redirecting compassion toward themselves and rebuilding firm boundaries, they can move beyond survival and reclaim ownership of their lives. “Run Like Hell” offers both a framework for understanding trauma bonds and a practical path toward becoming what Macaluso calls a “surthriver,” someone who does more than endure and learns to thrive again.

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